Black EOE Journal www.blackeoejournal.com 141
B
efore I dig in, I think its important to better explain my background and culture. I was born in the U.S. but lived in Iran until I was 19. Growing up an Armenian Christian in Iran, our culture was how we maintained our identity in a country where we would always be other. We prioritized reputation and the dichotomy between honor and shame. So, how do you come out when it will bring shame? When you know it will harm your fam- ilys reputation? Coming out would be consid- ered selfish, so I had to first become ok with being selfish. With all that in mind, here are three tips I share with my readers for coming out in a not- so-welcoming environment:
Accept Yourself
In Iran, it wasnt just illegal (and punish- able by death) to be a homosexual; it was com- pletely unspoken. It wasnt even that I didnt
3 Tips for Coming Out
Even when it goes against your community, culture and family
By Harma Hartouni
feel accepted as who I was; I was in an environ- ment where I didnt actually understand who or what I was. If someone were to suggest that I was a gay man, I wouldnt have even believed it myself. So, the first part of coming out was to first understand my own sexuality so that I could then accept myself.
Know Your Worth
Accepting and loving yourself first will help you understand your value. When I think of what makes up my value as a person, being gay doesnt come to mind. I think of my leadership skills and ability to listen to others. I think of my persistence. Being a gay man doesnt add or subtract from those values. If you are afraid that someone else is going to discount your value because youre homosexual, then they dont deserve the benefit of your abilities. Believe in your worth and do not give those people space in your personal or professional life.
Cultivate a Supportive Community
Surround yourself with people who have shown not only understanding of your journey but also support. Having a safe space to speak freely about the challenges you face, without fear of judgment, is vital to both coming out and self-acceptance Even though my coming out caused pain for my family, I can honestly tell you that being selfish at that moment was the best thing for all of us. Ive been able to build a very success- ful career, grow in my relationship with my family and finally start a family of my own. Fight for the life you want to live and goals you have. No one should ever have to fight like I did, but a full life does not come without hard- ship or hard work.
Harma Hartouni is owner of Harma Real Estate and author of Getting Back Up: A Story of Resilience, Self-Acceptance & Success . For more, visit HarmaHartouni.com.
Previous Page